Don't Mess with the Pregnant Woman

I went to Sam's Club today, and I am not one to mess with circling a lot to get a spot fifty meters closer to the entrance of a store/mall so I usually park in the back by the gas station. When the weather was warmer, this served a double purpose as it was always in a shadow and saved me from the greenhouse effect. However, today--a day I've been feeling specially huge and waddley--as I pulled into my usual row I noticed a car at the very end pull away and there were no other cars waiting for it or zooming immediately in. So I decided this pregnant lady deserved rock star parking today, dangit.

When I came out of the club, I was moving very sloooowly with my full cart uphill. But I was cheerful because I didn't have far to go. I was still a distance from my car when a car zoomed up and hovered in front of me, waiting to see where I'd go.

Now, I would like to note for the record that I am a very empathetic driver. In fact, especially during the holidays when parking lots are constantly jammed, on my way out of a store or mall if I see people circling for desperately needed spots, I will regularly flag down a driver and signal them to follow me to my spot so they can have it.

But this parking lot wasn't like that. It was very, very far from packed. And I hadn't been moving very quickly all day because it was the end of one of those days when I'm pushing 7 months pregnant, so I didn't think it was fair to put pressure on me (or anyone in a similar condition in which they just have a hard time getting around) to rush and free up a spot when the lot was 2/3 empty.

So I did something a little less Christ-like than I probably should have. I pretended I didn't notice the car was waiting for me. I didn't change my pace at all as I waddled up to my car, fumbled with my keys, unlocked the back door and began unloading my items. One. By. One.

Which honestly is exactly what I would have done if I had parked by the gas station. Cross my heart. Sam's Club items are large, and so is my belly--which means I can't get more than one in an armload.

Turns out I bought mostly cold things and Ole Man Winter is a comin' so it was chilly out. So, of course, I needed to stop and put on my gloves. Very, very carefully. I might have even taken the left one off and put it back on because my engagement ring twisted in a funny way.

After all my items were loaded, I closed the door and fumbled to get my keys out of my pocket and lock it up--which I would have done anyway.

But then I had this giant cart and I had to put it away, so I waddled it over to the nearest corral. And I might have taken my sweet time putting my hat on and strapping my purse over me, which items were sitting in the front of the cart when I left the store.

This process took multiple minutes, and the car was still waiting for me. More than enough time for him to have just found another space and walked the extra fifty meters and already been in the store several times over.

So I didn't feel sorry for him and I still pretended not to see him. In fact, I don't even know if it even was a him or a her because I didn't give the car that much notice.

I fumbled my keys out of my pocket--okay, I admit all the key fumbling isn't typical and was a bit obnoxious of me--and got into the car. However, instead of immediately turning on the engine and driving away, I sent text messages. Not only a continuation of previous conversations, but I sent new messages to people telling them about the situation.

So, the car honked at me.

Yeah, right buddy. That's going to suddenly rush me after the past five minutes I've spent teaching you a lesson. My husband won't be home for almost another 2 hours and my battery isn't flinching. I got nothing but time. I'm in no hurry and you shouldn't be either.

And I stayed there. For several more minutes.

I'm not sure at what point the guy finally gave up and found another spot, but I hope I made my points clear.

1) Some parking lot driving behavior isn't only stupid, it's down-right rude. Like hovering over a spot in a lot that is NO where near full and waiting a long time for someone who's clearly oblivious to you.

2) Honking is annoying, unnecessary and also rude unless a life is at stake. Ever. And if there is a life a stake, what the heck are you doing at Sam's Club anyway?

2) Don't mess with pregnant women. Ever. On any level. This will only make the world at large, including your corner of it, a most grievous place.